Greetings! I’ve procrastinated writing this piece long enough. It’s time to dive in and trust my audience is willing to go with the flow. There’s a good chance I’ll obsessively edit, both before and after publishing. You’re welcome to check back periodically and see what’s new. One day you’ll be able to say you knew me when I was a fledgling writer — before I became the most successful wordsmith of our time.
I’ve discovered the joy in sharing humor and even earned a Top Writer badge in this category. It’s a very prestigious badge allowing access to experiences and secret underground clubs I’m not at liberty to share here. More importantly, my readers have laughed and experienced the resulting dose of endorphins also known as feel good hormones.
Browse the categories and take a deep dive into my funnybone ticklers. Send up red sparks if you need to be rescued from the rabbit hole.
Hello MuddyUm fans and perhaps a few foes,
This week we’re sharing a collection from our Muddy Artworks Gallery. To lead you in, here is a quote by one of our featured creators that many writers will relate to:
I would be hard-pressed to find a worse distraction than writing. Even meditation is better. Yes, you read that right. Sitting quietly, alone, with nothing at all to take my mind off my mind, still provides a better distraction from my fears, doubts, and grief than trying to write.
Coffee and pastries work great, but only until they are gone which…
Mule, donkey, jackass — these animals have been used, abused, and called crude names for centuries. Now the United States Postal Service is campaigning against them. Perhaps USPS is afraid ‘greener’ transportation options will render their already outdated fleet of gas-guzzling vehicles completely irrelevant.
Electric cars, bicycles, horse-drawn carriages and mules don’t pollute the air while transporting humans. Although the latter two expel CO₂ from their butts and occasionally leave steaming piles of poo, I haven’t heard of them contributing significantly to climate change or causing asthma.
Reminiscing about childhood includes memories of hilarious — and in retrospect, often dangerous — pranks. Most involved my siblings and me, and the three neighbor boys across the alley. But one of my favorites starred my Dad as the prankster.
The eldest, and most nefarious, neighbor boy inspired Dad to ‘teach him a lesson’ one day. Let’s call the kid Norbert, because it’s unlikely anyone reading this story is named Norbert — are you?
We had an enormous garden and shared the bounty with our neighborhood. One thing Norbert couldn’t resist was the crunch of a freshly dug carrot. …
The moment Matt stepped onto the good ship MuddyUm we knew he was a step above the rest of us. From the diamond studded eye patch to the polished, mahogany peg leg he exuded success. We had only encountered pirates like Matt in legends.
We, the MuddyUm Outlaws, knew it would take every drop of rum on the ship to keep Matt with us. The plan was simple. Keep him in the sweet spot — sober enough to write and just a bit too tipsy to walk off the ship unassisted.
With nothing else to do except scrub the poop…
I had no idea how much my audience craved authenticity. People are desperate for something real, ya know? And I am giving it to them, raw and unedited.
Buh-BYE to clickbait success stories. Who can relate to those, honestly? Hello to unfiltered, authentic life. My IG stories are, like, super relatable.
By now you’re wondering how you can achieve a spec of what I have accomplished in just 13 hours. I could reveal an elaborate 10-step plan, sell an online course or write an e-book. …
Blasting off in 3…2…1…
MuddyUm Control to Major Reader, we have a space-themed mission for you this week. Keep reading for some of our recent out of this world stories from MuddyUm’s astronauts.
Play along for a chance to be featured in our next Space-y newsletter!
The story links below are ‘friend links’ so you can share them with others who may be lunar fanatics too — paywall free! They don’t even have to be your friends to access these links — they can be aliens, enemies, frenemies, family, acquaintances, astronauts, or co-workers.
If the headline drew you in, you’re one of us, for better or worse. Fart, toot, poop, penis, boobs, ass, butt, dick, derrière — these words have an undeniable power to produce giggles and smirks at any age. They also have the power to get a person slapped in the face. It’s all about context.
This asstastic collection of funnies was inspired by MuddyUm co-editor Sarah Paris. Her butt prompt got our rowdy ship of pirates to leave the poop deck and type our most hilarious, em-bare-ass-ing stories about the most shit-upon body part. …
Trigger warnings: loss of child, miscarriage, adoption, suicide
To mothers experiencing planned and unplanned pregnancies.
To those who chose motherhood through adoption.
To mothers who never met their child and ache with what-ifs.
To the mothers who were elated at the news of pregnancy, those who were terrified, and those who felt both emotions simultaneously.
To future mothers and the mothers we have lost.
To mothers overflowing with love and those who feel they are running on empty.
To teachers who are mother figures to countless children.
To mothers who didn’t feel loved as a child, who experienced abuse, neglect…